Strategy lessons from parenting
After 15+ years in this game, I've concluded I learn best obliquely. Philosophy gave me the technical chops to get better at strategy. Parenting has added the social and relational ones on top of it.
So, to mark the fact I now have a four-year-old, plus that I finally met my pal and fellow Bandit fanboy Adrián in person on Sunday, here's an updated piece on what being a parent has taught me about strategy.
1/ Our job is environmental
When you're a parent, all you can control is the environment where you raise your child. This is true for ideas as well. It's not our job to control the creative output of a project, but we can help it become more like itself.
We win by giving options, not orders. No one wants a 'just fucking do it'. It may create compliance, but also breeds resentment. The right choice of language and actions gives people agency to make their own decisions.
None of this is an excuse to treat your colleagues like children. But it's helpful to understand that we're all governed by the same psychological needs. We're patching brain software that was shipped in our early years.
2/ Suggestion beats imposition
Some creative directors prefer a brief with a problem or question. Others, with a proposition. Some, with little stimulus. Others, with loads. There's no single answer here, just like there's no single way to be a good parent.
One thing that tends to be true? People respond better to suggestions over impositions. Give them something that's enough of a steer, but with enough room for them to fill the blanks. Always leave room for the mouse.
The trick? Give structured options. We can find different ways to solve a perception problem, but the problem is defined. We can do bath time before or after our teeth, but it's happening. Freedom in a framework.
3/ Everything’s scenario planning
Scenario planning isn't forecasting. It's positioning ourselves in the best possible way for the different things that may happen. It's being prepared.
When working with moving targets, we can't remove the uncertainty, we can only find ways to manage it. People change plans, budgets, timelines or the nature of the brief. Kids change their minds. So we pivot, again.
Imposing authority or defaulting to frustration can only get us so far. You may be right, but you're not effective. When you expect change to be the norm and plan for that scenario, you're more likely to reduce the damage.
4/ Leadership is the hard calls
As much as I like being a friend to my kid, sometimes what she needs is a leader. This is also true for the people we work with. This doesn't mean we can't be kind in dealing with people, but our job is to make hard calls.
The hard calls means forcing an issue when everyone's afraid to discuss it. Or picking your kid up to go brush their teeth after asking five times for them to do it themselves. It's being ok with, for a bit, being the 'bad guy'.
One observation I had watching Adolescence is that Eddie, the father, never showed substantial affection, reassurance or leadership. He was too worried about being a 'pal'. But sometimes that's not what people need.
5/ Don't react, respond
Everyone's a perfect parent until the baby arrives. We compare what we'd do ideally, with a complete night's sleep, and being properly fed. The acid test of parenting is that none of those things match what daily reality is.
You will be exhausted, saturated, overwhelmed, grumpy at times, and yet you're still in charge of making calls and getting people to do stuff. A simple reframe? Don't react to situations, respond to them. Be in control.
This isn't always possible, but it's an ideal to aspire to. Take a deep breath before reacting to someone's negative reaction. Don't raise your tone when others do it. If anything, lower it the more they raise theirs. It helps.
Bottom line
You can read the above and think I see everyone I work with as children. And yes, I do. I also see myself as a child though. We're all managing a turmoil of emotions that we may or may not have learned to manage.
Recognising this isn't a cause for making others feel small, but rather to help them feel big. The more empathy we have for the inner turmoil, the more we can help people channel it to grow and make productive things.
And ultimately, whether you have a four-year-old or a 40-year-old in front of you, that's what most of us want to do. So let's help everyone else do it.
